Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
