my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
