i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come on in and take your pants off
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