i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
