I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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