This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
