Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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