So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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