I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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