Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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