This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize