im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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