She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
