she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We are all done wearing pants today
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
