lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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