So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
