I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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