I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
