He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
