You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
