My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
