Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
