During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
