Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
