I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
