do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
