he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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