Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
