awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He better not be in your backpack
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
