he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
