Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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