Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
