Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
