i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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