Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
