I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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