i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
