I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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