can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
