Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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