My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize