I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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