Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
