Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize