wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
