i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
