please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
