you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
