I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
