This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
