my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize