She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
