I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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