the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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