she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
