some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am naked and annoyed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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