I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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