Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
