my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
