Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
