Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
