I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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