Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
