She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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