You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
