I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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